July 12th  -  61 notes  -  O

As soon as my 13 year old brother starts dating,

imbrittsimpson:

imbrittsimpson:

imbrittsimpson:

I’m going to give whoever he’s with my number like “alright if kid fucks up and is mean/disrespectful/fedora-y, get at me - I know his weaknesses, where he sleeps, and I will kill him. Also I will kill u if you do it to him. Okay hope u stay in luv forever byeeeeeee 😍😍”

Or like if u need me
To get u plan b or a condom
Or a sober person 2 pik u up cuz u drunk
Ok

"I’m a cool mom."

reblogged 15 hours ago
July 12th  -  51 notes  -  O

hey does anyone wanna have sex?

imbrittsimpson:

the catch: must b w/ me.

STOP FUCKING REBLOGGING IT YOU GUYS I SAID WITH ME!!!!!

reblogged 15 hours ago
July 12th  -  51 notes  -  O

hey does anyone wanna have sex?

imbrittsimpson:

the catch: must b w/ me.

reblogged 16 hours ago
July 12th  -  8 notes  -  O

A rly cute girl got a slice and a sauce for $3.50 and tipped me $6.50

Then she came back to get two more slices so I only charged her $2 cuz of the fat tip and then she tipped me 8?!

And she was so cute wow she was like “that’s all for you” and I almost said something weird

I didn’t

But it was close.
V v close.

Posted 17 hours ago
July 11th  -  1 note  -  O

OMFG IM AT THE FLOUNGE AND IM

Speaking to rosa!!! Using words!!! Mostly being a dick but at least I have words to use I guess uk???!!


Wow Rosas so pretty tho wow.

Posted 1 day ago
July 11th  -  3 notes  -  J

About our new coworker…

Also, at the hotel, we have a weird new intern who stares at the wall and eats for like an hour with different facial expressions and she’ll just stand and stare at you without responding and omfg one time her brother called to ask how it was going with her…he sounded concerned…

Idk seems like quite the coincidence.

Posted 1 day ago
July 11th  -  4 notes  -  J

"American hibachi"

Okay.

Posted 1 day ago
July 11th  -  3 notes  -  J

Pizza palace.

Posted 1 day ago
July 11th  -  3 notes  -  O

Apparently, my coworker was texting me between 330 and 4 am and I was responding

imbrittsimpson:

(Don’t remember) but I guess he doesn’t know how to do the recap and I said id come do it for him this morning LOL I HATE MYSELF

I honestly cannot believe myself rn.

reblogged 1 day ago
July 11th  -  3 notes  -  O

Apparently, my coworker was texting me between 330 and 4 am and I was responding

(Don’t remember) but I guess he doesn’t know how to do the recap and I said id come do it for him this morning LOL I HATE MYSELF

Posted 1 day ago
July 10th  -  1 note  -  O

Sometimes, ill cup my hands together, push them out and just kind of smell my armpits

And I feel like praying pennsatucky every single time because well…uve seen her pray it’s the same move

Posted 2 days ago
July 10th  -  8 notes  -  O

I just worked an 8 hour shift with no sleep

imbrittsimpson:

But the farmers market is open until 1 and I really want to go, should I just go?

Lol who am I kidding the only place I went was to sleep bye

reblogged 2 days ago
July 10th  -  1 note  -  O

It’s 2k14 and tumblr doesn’t have a photo editor

Like what?


Also I said photo woah am I old?

Posted 2 days ago
July 10th  -  10 notes  -  J

imbrittsimpson:

*kisses pussy lips*

*gayer den u*

Wait just kidding I’m funnier

But he’s a close second

reblogged 2 days ago
July 10th  -  35 notes  -  J

imbrittsimpson:

HE KEPT TRYING TO TAKE THE PICTURE LIKE HE WOULD HIT MY PHONE THEN LOOK AT ME RLY SRSLY AND OMFG HE FINALLY REALIZED HE COULDNT DO IT AND THAT I WAS DOING IT AND HE GOT SO MAD LIKE HOW DO YOU NOT THINK HES THE CUTEST???

IDK IF IM
JUST RLY HIGH/TIRED OR WHAT BUT I SRSLY THINK MY KITTEN IS THE FUNNIEST THING IN THE WORLD HOLY FUCK

reblogged 2 days ago